The Portrait is a Lie
by Kowaretasekai
Summary: Eto has many faces. Some would call them evil, others childishly intelligent, and still others remorseless. She is left standing there, wondering when those faces diverged and how she ended up as the puppeteer behind them all, trying to understand them all. [OC insert]
1. Chapter 1

Eto is not like Kaneki, no matter how much she voices their similarities. Kaneki, no matter how tortured or mutilated, is a martyr to the bone. His actions, whether they are under the guise of Haise Sasaki or Kaneki Ken, serve a solid, defined purpose.

But Eto is no martyr.

At least it certainly seems that way to the CCG and the other ghouls she encounters.

Eto is a _person ghoul human monster_. She likes her entertainment, whether it be the rollercoaster ride of a victim's psyche or the passionate sacrifice of one ghoul's life for another. Death reeks, but it ties up the loose ends to all of the individual stories she has so much fun writing.

The world is her setting and its people are her characters. But what is even more enticing is her own unpredictability. She would never say that she acts on a whim (how could one do so if they were at least remotely aware of what was going on?). However, on the occasion that her little story is too drawn out, too stagnant, too empty, she writes in something different.

Because the artist of the story that she lives in is too short-sighted on the beautiful intricacies of tragedy and loss. And to be honest, it's boring.

She wakes up each day and plays the role of the villain.

Her past is ensured to be somewhat humanized, some sort of verification for her twisted upbringing.

But her actions are too far gone that no reasoning can excuse them.

What a perfect villain in a grey world. A villain such that should she ever be killed, nothing would really get resolved.

When she fights Arima, she wonders if he ever thinks the same way—that their lives are one big unresolved story unless they all die in some desperately romantic and flashy way. Sometimes she wonder what Eto—the real Eto—would do: was Eto ever satisfied? Was testing the bounds of the human psyche enough to answer her questions?

She thinks that sometimes it is enough, but more often it leaves something to be desired.

Having foresight in a world where everything is based on reaction to star crossed fate is relatively useless. And so Eto doesn't go about changing things that are inevitable and necessitated by _who_ these characters are and _how_ they respond to their surroundings.

She prefers to live her life the same way any Eto would with the additional goal of discovering why—how—when is it enough?

* * *

Eto laughs when she fights Arima, not because she truly finds the combat itself amusing, but because it irks people and their responses _do_ amuse her. She is hardly human or inhuman depending on how someone might look at it, with her kakuja and her laughter.

But Arima is always silent and unperturbed. He deals more injuries to her than she does to him.

The difference in their strength is too large, a fact that has been clear to her ever since she entered this ghastly world. Nevertheless, Arima interests both her and the Eto within her because he is an unexplained phenomenon. A deux ex machina with the purpose of clearing the battlefield completely, even if that means burning down the lives still on it.

Scientifically, biologically, and rationally Arima should not be stronger than her no matter how hard he trains or how sociopathic he seems. The only plausible explanation is that he was created to be this godlike figure immune from the weaknesses of humanity—the dreams hopes ambitions love that could crash down any second.

Then again, she doesn't believe Arima ever truly experienced the same torture that Takizawa or Kaneki experienced, so it is all theory crafting. Pain can be extremely revealing.

Arima almost always manages to deal her a costly blow and this time is no exception. However, she is too proud and excited to back down so she disregards her lost limb and fights on, tooth and nail. _Like a human_ , she muses.

Her kakuja makes an attempt to slash at Arima's hands and weapons and he uses that opportunity to destroy another significant part of her kakuja.

It is painful. She almost wants to bite her lip, turn around, and run away like a coward.

But then she remembers that she is Eto, and that thought is frighteningly empowering.

The other investigators are standing by, knowing they will lose their lives if they attempt to help. Arima is not so merciful that he would save an investigator's life it meant losing the chance to kill the One Eyed Owl.

Eto muses over Arima's values as she dodges another attack. Maybe not. Maybe he would attempt to protect the investigator and she would find an escape route. It really is all just speculation.

She rashly extends her kakuja to attack an investigator, leaving the rest of her defenseless and some parts of her limbless body exposed. A do or die action.

Arima's glance is quick. Eto is spared when Arima dives into save the unfortunate CCG member from a painful death. But she knew that she would be alive by the end of the fight. This world works like that.

Those who bring pain are important. They cannot die without a sufficient dose of regret and the reassurance that their death will bring further despair instead of rejoice.

She will always be able to make an escape, and luckily, cowardice means nothing to her.

"Is this world a game? A mission? A tragedy? Or did some sadistic, nihilistic bastard just decide to throw everyone together in one city for the sake of it?"

It is her who is asking. Not Eto. Not the part of her who has been pulled away into the mind of Eto. Just her.

* * *

Arima is not shocked by Eto's attempt on his comrade's life or her effort to continue fighting despite the loss of two limbs and the other massive injuries she sustains. Eto knows no humanity, no rationality, and no sense of critical assessment—at least not when it is compromised by her sadistic tendencies.

But the words she leaves him with seem to belie his former thoughts. No, this ghoul could not be Eto (and yet she is). She seems more disillusioned than entertained, her words too broad and all encompassing for any sane person to understand.

Arima doesn't see the world as a game or tragedy. He likes to keep his philosophy simple so that the labyrinth within is easier to see. His view is likely closest to that of a mission, but her fourth option makes him wonder.

It would certainly make things easier if one person were pulling the strings behind everything. But life is not so simple and the knotted relationships between people and the cataclysmic effects of their actions paint the world in grey.

Eto is not so simple either, he realizes. But stopping to dwell on such a thought for too long would be detrimental so he pushes it to the side and maintains his straightforward absurdist, sadistic, and minimally hedonistic outlook on life.

* * *

Despite all of the books that she has written and the common themes that she has delved into, she can't say with utmost certainty that she enjoys tragedy. Books are a different monster altogether, and while from afar, the view is breathtaking, she finds living in one quite a different story.

To Takatsuki Sen, tragedy is a summons.

To Eto, tragedy is a game without rules.

To her, tragedy is a story unfolding.

That is precisely the impression Eto's encounter with Kaneki Ken leaves. It would be an injustice for someone who understands her works to simply go on with his life blissfully unaware. And anyway, it's a bit of a contradiction—how can one ever truly understand without experiencing firsthand for himself?

The black goat's egg indeed.

She is nevertheless impressed by his level of understanding. After all, this world and perhaps any world always seem to have a dearth of literally competent people.

But literature is only a facet of herself, not nearly as central a part of her life as it is to Kaneki's.

There is a violent side that dwells within her, the unadulterated resentment she has for the world—even if she says she has given up, she'd be lying. Because once in a blue moon, she simply wishes to see the world burn and satisfy her vindication. These times, when entertainment and sadism are hidden away within Eto, are dangerous.

It is during these times that she can no longer discern between reality and performance, and the world becomes a battleground rather than a stage.

To Eto, laughing at everything is a healthy response, even if it is sometimes a bit maddening and unnerving.

Takatsuki Sen agrees.

She agrees.

She can still be furious, desperate, and starving while laughing.

* * *

The desire to save someone has never been so contradictory a feeling until now. She is here to play her role as the crazy villain (who isn't that crazy after all).

She is here to confess her obsessed love for Kaneki (or is it Sasaki?) even though Eto does not have the ability to feel love, only passionate schadenfreude.

She is here to ensure that certain investigators die, to spark the broken romance within the pathetic Rosewald ghoul, to confront the maddening martyr that is Kaneki, and to witness all that befalls before her—all that crumbles within her.

If there is anything left to crumble.

Kaneki is remembering. Check.

Shirazu is dead. Check.

Kanae is plummeting to her death. Check.

In fact, Eto feels a bit like a heroic matchmaker when she watches Tsukiyama and Kanae falling. The Rosewald ghoul gets to die happy and satisfied, doesn't she? If Kanae had never sacrificed her life for the gourmet eater, would she ever get the release of acknowledgment and confession?

Sacrifice is such an unrivaled beauty and Eto finds playing the role of a clandestine savior quite refreshing.

Now all she has to do is fight the monster of a martyr that Kaneki has become.

"Are you Sasaki or are you Kaneki?" she wonders quietly to herself, despite knowing that he is neither and both at the same time. Eto had once thought that her direct actions warped Kaneki to the maximum extent. But she realizes that Arima had a far, far greater role in rebuilding Sasaki's fantasy and disillusionment.

She begins to laugh. This is what Eto would do—laugh and fight while goading Kaneki on, despite the apparent lack of effect her words have. The glorious euphoria, and at the same time, the comforting sadness that someone is just like you.

But just as suddenly, she stops. She rarely questions her role as Eto, but it is at times like this, when she cannot figure out exactly what the human soul harbors and why this human seems so desperate to _destroy protect destroy_ that she wishes she were some civilian halfway across the country, oblivious to everything but the food on her plate.

The answer, she knows, has always been within her mind. Somehow, throughout the warped actions she follows through as Eto and the increasingly unstable state of her own mind (that's what she gets, for trying and partially succeeding to understand the ghoul), she found herself developing a fascination for these beasts.

"You do not need to sacrifice yourself, " she whispers to him. The words are unexpected and he is briefly startled.

But she knows he will not heed her word. After all, what is she but a being who would like to see him suffer?


	2. Chapter 2

She never _actually_ enjoys the physical pain of others. In fact, she might go so far to say that the screams from torture and all those other in between reactions are annoyances. But there is something incredibly alluring about the tragic twisting of minds.

There are, of course, exceptions.

Like Kaneki Ken.

She admits fully that she was a part of his first little transformation, a memory crafted fondly in her mind. She fails to remember when Kaneki became something slightly more than a fun chess piece (or when life became something slightly more than a fun chess game). The white hair was quaint little bonus to his mental anguish over every self-sacrificial action he took. The hilarity stemming from his hypocritical actions never failed to make her laugh—he, whose ego inflated enough to think that he could escape through death, leaving behind the world for others to fend for. And so, back then, the little plot she conjured up was still quite simple: push and pull his frail little limbs until he snapped in response to the illusions she conquered. But her illusions still paled in comparison to the forever draining world, dressed in deceit and allure.

In retrospect, she should have expected it.

No matter how special of a being Kaneki is in her eyes, no one escapes Arima in a fight unscathed. She finds it incredibly ironic that the CCG's role in twisting _her_ Kaneki is even more significant than her own role. After all, Arima, the supposed reaper, left Kaneki with life rather than a one way out end.

Well, it wasn't a good ending to Eto's story anyway. She appreciates Arima's gesture.

She does not have ties to the CCG in the way Kaneki does, which is probably why the both of them can never really be viewed in the same light. Has Eto ever been an unwilling participant?

Eto's direction has always been rather clear. Being born as the one eyed ghoul certainly did not help. Could she ever have been on the other side? With Anteiku? Serving tea while smiling at the warmth of family?

No, her disillusionment had been a quick one—an instantaneously devoured light. Kaneki's—she wants to laugh—just stubbornly keeps flickering on and off, an unpredictable thing.

Eto believes that they are similar—the two half ghouls whose families are disgustingly messed up- but she knows better. After all, love is a foreign concept to Eto. The extent of her knowledge of care and warmth for another being was when Tatara bothered to rescue her from the mess she made when encountering the CCG. "It'll come back to bite you," he told her.

What foresight Tatara has, she commends. Luckily, she quite enjoys the CCG's retaliation and its repercussions years later.

Eto has never been a tragic figure—and never will be—not with there being nowhere to fall completely and irrevocably. Thus, Eto can only be the villain who is sunk so deep into despair and then depravity, rendering empathy a distant fantasy.

But Kaneki is the clichéd rotting rose, the white stained with red, the self fulfilling prophecy perpetually imploding on itself. He is tragedy personified and manipulates heart strings with a blink of an eye. She is, admittedly, a bit envious.

Eto loves Kaneki, but it is not the same love that Kaneki is accustomed to—the one that necessitates sacrifice and blissful ignorance. This love is dressed formally in angst, plot twist, and blood. Eto loves from afar, with a furious vengeance and it is only natural that such love would manifest so sadistically. So long as both of them are alive, they can continue to fight each other to the brink of death.

She recalls the addicting holds of warmth that can only come from another being (and no, she is not talking about their entrails). On the other hand, she cannot consider herself fully immune to Eto's passionate fascination of Kaneki Ken. She too wants to know what ending the artificial half ghoul will meet and delights in the prospect of her being an integral part of it.

Arima is a different story. Eto harbors a glaring amount of distaste that manifests in her competitive streak while fighting him. Eto welcomes the game between just the two of them and likes to think that Arima has something of a personal vendetta as well. But that is also the crux behind her incredible aversion to Arima, for she knows that Arima is probably the closest semblance to god—imparting divine judgment with an emotionless mask. And Eto has never gotten the chance to break that demented deus ex machina down into pieces of human.

* * *

Eto's life resembles that of a boiling frog. She is sitting in a pool of water as the temperature slowly rises until the naïve little frog dies from overheat. Except she isn't dead. And she is certainly not naïve, so she'd like to think. Her world is a raging conflagration though, one explosive tumult of violence, death, and drama after another.

As a sitting frog waiting to die, she, ever the dutiful author, is in the best suited place to mold her surroundings into carefully crafted novels and fantasies in her mind.

"Do you know what I think?" Eto once asked Tatara in a conspiratory whisper, as though she were divulging the most important secret in the world. "I think this world was made to make us suffer, sprinkling in some happiness here or there because after all, suffering is strongest fresh and unsullied by the numbing effects of time."

Tatara had looked at her with the same, flat expression that graced his expressions seemingly permanently.

"I bet you thought I was some kind of absurdist," Eto giggled, an unnerving sound that morphed into full cackles. "But to think the world is meaningless—without a care for what we do—that's a thought left for hypocrites and suicidal weaklings seeking an excuse to stop trying. But I'm always trying aren't I? Always my very hardest."

Their goals are an unfortunate dichotomy. The true Eto, the one that originally inhabited the world as a half ghoul and fed on her own hatred, does not seek destruction. Rather, that Eto seeks vindication, retribution and salvation defined by her brutal conviction. But _she_ , the imposter of a ghoul, the one who never experienced the origin of Eto's shattered window of a past, does not seek anything so romantic. She fails to be pulled into the allure of Eto's warped dream—the very same that has enchanted ghouls and fueled investigators' noble egos. With a mindset of a jaded human being, she seeks self-preservation above all. There is no underlying meaning—no person she has dedicated her life to save, no cause she is determined to see through—other than her concession to biological survival instinct. The world is an absurd place, she understands all too well.

As a ghoul parading around as a morbid author, she is slightly peeved by Eto's reckless tendencies and life decisions. But now, it is safer to maintain the dangerous façade.


End file.
